


Heart in pieces like artwork on your wall

by insofar



Category: Original Work
Genre: Aedreas needs a hug, Anal Sex, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Fist Fights, Hate Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Light Bondage, M/M, Pining, Rough Sex, starts off angsty but fluff creeps in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-21 17:02:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30024993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insofar/pseuds/insofar
Summary: Coronel Aedreas has to keep his wits about him when he is ordered to Commander Eylern's fort, who hates him and his recently conquered country. Their relationship unfolds as they face the threat of the invading feral Byrreum.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	1. The Garrison Commander

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first longish original work so I’m quite nervous-excited to post it. I have most of it written already so I will probably upload the rest of the chapters this week. I want to edit it some more and maybe add some more scenes but I know if I don’t upload it now I will be paralyzed by doubt. Perhaps when I’m done I’ll come back and edit it some more, so any feedback is appreciated :)

Garrison Commander Eylern’s richly furnished great hall was by all accounts the very picture of cozy warmth. The beer was flowing generously, the hearth was roaring and Eylern’s garrison was mingling with Aedreas’ own soldiers, joyously rowdy with drink and the boosted morale of a hard-won battle. 

Aed wanted to destroy it all. 

The anger simmering inside him was incensed by Eylern, seated in front of him at the high table. He struck an imposing figure, taller than Aed and starkly handsome with his dark brown hair and similarly dark green eyes. He exuded the confident allure of youth combined with his prestigious position. Aed’s own seat was the supposed seat of honour, but he was acutely aware of just how unwelcome he was. After all, Eylern made no secret of it, his hardly subtle taunts betrayed his pretense of courtesy. 

Aed tamped down on his anger, remembering as he always did the precariousness of his position. He walked on a tightrope of politeness, where one false step could mean the stripping of his privileges and meeting the same fate as so many of his countrymen.

He was lucky to even be alive. The King had been intelligent enough to realize that it was tactically better to leave those trained in military combat alive to fill the perilous front rows of his troops against their mutual enemy, the Byrrunem, when he conquered Aed’s country. Aed, young and martially talented, had been placed in command of a unit and sent to patrol the border against the Byrrunem. He had spent just over a year being ordered from one border fort to another. He knew he was little more than glorified cannon fodder, protected only by his relative military usefulness, and so he remained painfully cautious.

“You don’t drink, colonel?” Eylern inquired mockingly. His attention hadn’t strayed from Aed all night, scrutinizing him for a break in his defenses. Here he had found an opening, leaving Aed with the choice of an etiquette breach if he refused his host’s invitation to drink or drinking and leaving himself vulnerable in an inebriated state. 

He was sorely tempted by the mug in front of him, alcohol would soothe his frayed edges. But he would not let himself be enticed, in this fort particularly he had to keep his wits about him. Although most of the Kingdom held a level of animosity towards Idinntele, Aed’s recently conquered native country, Eylern’s hatred held the fervent personal tinge of those who had lost friends and brothers in arms to them. 

Conversations around them halted as those seated nearby watched him covertly. They considered him the night’s entertainment, Aed mused. They were probably mentally hedging bets as to how he’d slither out from where he was metaphorically trapped. Or not, it would probably satisfy quite a few vengeful fantasies to see him crushed.

He took a sip to appease the onlookers, the ale heavy and tempting on his tongue. He then set the mug back down with a resounding thump.

“It’s delicious, Commander, but I cannot quite stomach it,” Aed explained apologetically. He did not entirely have to fake the nausea, already the sounds of the Great Hall grated harshly in his ears. The intense scrutiny he had been subjected to since his arrival had not helped the lightheadedness of exhaustion either.

Eylern raised an eyebrow, recognizing the flimsiness of Aed’s excuse. “Are you so squeamish that battle would turn your stomach so?”

“It must have been the rations.” The words sounded weak even to his own ears. 

Eylern sneered at him. “It must be your weak Identellen constitution, but I suppose you do look a bit pale and it is getting late. Meet me at my private rooms in an hour? Your guards will escort you there.” It was not so much a question as it was a command.

It was a common practice, a quiet retiring after dining of those in highest command to discuss strategies and other such matters in private. Aed doubted there would be much discussion though, more like a barrage of barbed remarks that he would have to stoically withstand to avoid getting himself executed. 

“Of course, Commander.” He muttered, barely able to contain his irritation.  
...............................................................................................................................................

Back in his room, Aed smoothed his hair down in the mirror. He had never had any qualms about his looks, his distinctive green-gold eyes, dark blonde hair and muscular frame attracted a fair amount of attention. 

The eyebags under his eyes were getting more noticeable, though. There had been a time when battle invigorated him, displaying his prowess for everyone to see and admire. After his capture, when his ears were particularly attuned to the snarled whispers about him, the scraps of praise tossed out on occasion of his victories felt all the more sweet. Now the very idea of enduring another day of combat sickened him.

He sank down on the bed, reveling in its warmth and comfort and the promise of hours of uninterrupted sleep, which his aching muscles so sorely needed. Like all the bright spots in his life, the moment was quickly interrupted by a knock on his door. He pushed himself up with a groan, feeling decades older than his twenty-four years. His knees twinged so often now he wouldn’t be surprised if they could predict rain.

He opened the door reluctantly to reveal a guard dressed in Eylern’s scarlet. “I’ve been assigned to lead you to Commander Eylern’s room, if you’d be so kind as to follow me,” he said.

Without waiting for a reply, for they both knew Aed had little choice, he strode off. Aed quickly caught up with him, trying in vain to calm his apprehensions as the guard led him through the twists and turns of the fort. 

They stopped at Eylern’s door, and the guard knocked before opening the door and announcing Aed. He wished he could ask the guard to stay just so he would not have to be alone with Eylern. He must have looked pathetically pleading, because the guard shot him a brief vaguely sympathetic look before turning back and leaving Aed to his fate. He took a deep bracing breath and stepped in.  
........................................................................................................................................................  
The intimacy of the room struck Aed immediately, the soft crackling of the lit fire, the plush red cushion covered seats, and the wooden table informally set with two glasses and a bottle of wine. He felt all the more cautious for it. Would Eylern try a faux sensual seduction before going in for the kill? Eylern himself looked perfectly at ease in his room, sprawled comfortably on his seat with his shirtsleeves rolled up and dark hair loose to his shoulders. The firelight suited him, turning his tanned skin gold and his profile deceptively soft. 

Eylern turned to him and motioned to the seat opposite him. “Make yourself comfortable, Aedreas,” he smirked.

He sat, not at all comfortably, and tried not to fidget while Eylern studied him as if cataloguing his flaws. He reached over and poured some wine into the glasses. He wondered if the next step in this mock seduction and possible murder was plying him with drink.

“If your stomach has recovered enough from those rations, would you care for some wine? You look awfully tense,” Eylern said, handing him a glass.

If anything, his stomach recoiled even more than it had during the feast, but Aed reached out for the glass anyway. Just as his fingers were about to close on it, Eylern’s hold on the glass slipped and crimson wine stained Aed’s shirt.

Eylern gasped insincerely. “My apologies! You should take that shirt off, there’s no use being uncomfortable.”

A more gracious host would have offered him a shirt of his own to borrow. Of course, Eylern was anything but that. Still, Aed had to admit that the sensation of wet sticky cloth plastered to his skin was causing him more discomfort than being shirtless with Eylern would. 

He peeled the stained shirt off and Eylern racked his eyes down his chest.

"You know, with the guests who pass by my fort I would usually talk strategy first and then, if they suit my fancy, invite them to my bed," he drawled, "however, I see no good reason to disclose my plans with a traitor like you. You may have fooled even the King himself, but I wouldn't trust a turncoat like you for a second."

Aed felt his face flush with anger and humiliation. He despised him, and hated even more that he could not retaliate.

Eylern continued with a satisfied cat-like smile, "as for inviting you to my bed, I would perhaps extend an invitation just so I can partake in the pleasure of conquering an Identellen once again, but I do not think I could stomach my revulsion." 

Aed wanted to curl up in his bed to cry in peace, or punch Eylern square in his handsome face. Instead, he dredged up the last of his strength and looked Eylern in the eye, "if you will not discuss strategy with me, and you do wish to bed me, there is no point to me being here." He stood up, "if you will excuse me, commander, I am tired and wish to retire." 

He was proud of how level his voice was, although he had had more than enough practice swallowing his pride. He knew he was letting Eylern win, but retaliating would be worse.

“Sleep well, Aedreas,” Eylern said as he mock saluted him with his own wine glass.

Outside, the guard took in his disheveled appearance and suppressed a smirk as he came to his own conclusions. Aed self consciously moved to cover his chest with the stained shirt and walked quickly back to his room.  
................................................................................................................................................................  
The next day, feeling blissfully more well-rested than he had in weeks after sleeping in a proper bed, Aed went down to the training arena. He was looking through the weapons available when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned and cursed his bad luck as Eylern approached. 

“Can an Identellen really fight?” For all the talk of your martial talent, I’ve yet to see you wield a sword. I can’t help but wonder if you’ve convinced the king to keep you alive in other ways,” Eylern taunted.

“Would you like to find out?” Aed replied.

Eylern grinned and picked out a sword. “First to surrender,” he suggested.

Aed nodded and picked out a sword for himself. They appraised each other, circling slowly before Eylern moved forward to make the first strike. 

Neither of them held back on their blows, the clang of steel reverberating against steel filled the air. Eylern was a skilled swordsman and Aed, despite Eylern’s mocking claims, had trained long and hard to fight well. 

In the end, it was an accident rather than a personal failing. The glare of the sun in Aed’s eyes distracted him enough for Eylern to throw him to the ground with a particularly vicious blow with the flat of his sword. Flat on his back with the sharpness of steel against his unprotected throat, Aed threw his own sword down in surrender. 

Eylern kept the sword against his throat for another moment. “I find I quite like this look on you, sweaty and defeated after a good fight. I’d like to see you wrecked like this again. In my room tonight, perhaps?”

There were so many reasons not to accept this invitation for further humiliation, but a dark yearning in him craved the feeling of Eylern on top of him, in him even. 

“You would stomach your revulsion?” Aed asked, throwing Eylern’s words from the previous night back at him.

He laughed darkly, “Quick with your sword and quick with your words, I see. I think I am able to show my distaste for you and your kind from the comfort of my bed.”

...........................................................................................................................................................................  
In Eylern’s room that night, Aed watched him tear off his clothes, revealing a muscular body. He stood before him, completely naked save for the amulet hanging around his neck. He took a couple of unhurried steps forward, and Aed backed away instinctively until his back hit the wall. 

Up close, Eylern’s height advantage was glaringly apparent, and Aed felt unbearably warm under his gaze. There was a glimmer of revulsion there, he was certain, but it was overshadowed by the lust that blew Eylern’s pupils wide open. His strong hands came to press hard on Aed’s shoulders and Aed’s heart rate ricocheted with the confluence of apprehension and lust that made his mind order a hasty retreat and his cock gravitate up until it grazed Eylern’s. 

Eylern’s lips lowered to meet his in a way that could by no romantic’s definition be considered a kiss. It reminded Aed distinctly of a military attack with its focused precision in discovering and aiming for all his weak spots. It had all the vehemence of an attack too, he thought ruefully as Eylern bit down harshly on his lower lip. With his eyes closed and the sharp tang of blood in his mouth, Aed could almost imagine himself in a battlefield. 

He tore off Aed’s clothes, letting them fall to the floor while he alternated between biting and sucking a line on Aed’s neck. Then he pushed Aed onto the bed, placing a hand on his back to prevent him from getting back up. Aed squirmed, arousal coursing through him with no exit.

“Eylern,” he pleaded, rubbing himself against the commander’s soft sheets in frustration. 

He wanted Eylern’s hands on his skin. Wanted him to fill him up, force his frustration up until there was no way for it to go but out. 

A smack against his ass shocked him momentarily out of his thoughts. “Be still, traitorous murderous Identellen.” He punctuated his words with a second smack. 

Aed muffled his moan against the bedsheets, focusing on how good the warmth radiating from his ass felt. The plea for more rested on the tip of his tongue, but the small part of him not yet completely overcome by white-hot arousal pushed it back. He would not gift the commander with more ammunition for a cannon already aimed too precisely against him. 

Too late, perhaps, because the Commander whispered knowingly, “like that, do you?”

Predictably, Eylern did not indulge him further. His oil covered fingers entered him in hasty preparation and Aed clutched the sheets and struggled to catch his breath as Eylern pushed into him. 

His half-muffled gasps filled the silence as Eylern’s still slippery hands covered Aed’s in the brief moment he granted him to adjust before pounding into him incessantly. 

The intensity overwhelmed Aed at first, Eylern felt huge inside him. It was disconcertingly impersonal too, with his face against the bed it could have been anyone behind him. 

“This is where all Identellens should be, squirming at our mercy”, Eylern spat out, reminding him who exactly was there.

With his hands trapped, he had no choice but to rub against the bed to ease the tension strumming high in him. Eylern hummed contentedly as he moved. 

This time the slap on his thigh was more encouragement than reprimand. 

“Continue, Aedreas,” Eylern ordered hoarsely as he thrust into him with renewed vigour, “this is what watching you debase yourself like this does to me.” 

Aed was too far gone for the humiliation to do more than increase his desperate search for friction. 

He succeeded, coming with a moan he could not hope to suppress. The nervous energy sharpened by arousal drained out of him. Shortly after, the Commander tightened his grip on Aed’s hands and came inside him. He collapsed for a second, draped over Aed’s back, and despite his hatred a part of him reveled in the skin contact before Eylern rolled off him.

Aed stared up at the canopied roof of the bed, drenched in regret. Eylern granted him a moment’s respite while he cleaned himself off before raising an expectant eyebrow at him. 

“I’m going,” Aed sighed. He pushed himself off the bed and left without turning back. He trudged back to his room and lay back on his own bed, admonishing himself for the stab of loneliness in his stomach. It was better, he reasoned, to sleep peacefully alone than with bad company. He berated himself for going into the Eylern’s bed willingly, and hated himself even more for enjoying it.  
......................................................................................................................................................................

The next morning, the mix of guilt and loathing had festered in his gut. Aed dressed and walked to the training arena to exercise the restless energy off. Fortunately this time there was no sign of Eylern. He channeled the memories of the previous night and practiced his drills past the point of exhaustion, until he was shaking from exertion. He stopped only at the sight of one of the guards, watching him with uneasy admiration. 

“Commander Eylern sends for you, Coronel,” he informed Aed.

Aed’s stomach clenched in response, seeing Eylern in the light of day would mean listening to his insults without the touches to make them bearable. The guard led Aed to Eylern’s office and Aed reminded himself he was definitely not disappointed it wasn’t his bedroom. 

Eylern was sitting behind a large mahogany desk, sifting through papers with a worried expression, oddly jarring in his usually self-assured face. 

He frowned at Aed as he entered. “I have received concerning news,” he said.

“About the Byrrunem?” Aed guessed.

Eylern nodded, “reports state that one of their squadrons is advancing towards my border, hoping to breach the defenses here and advance into the kingdom.”

“My condolences, that will be difficult for you to deal with,” Aed said, not entirely sarcastically. He did not care much for Eylern and his people, but he knew from experience how draining holding back the Byrrunem was. The Byrreum were a nasty piece of work, they were feral, territorial and merciless.

Eylern laughed harshly, “Fortunately for me, I will not be dealing with this alone. Unfortunately, you are the one called to help.” He glared at Aed, “or rather, I would say to hinder.”

“You think I want to deal with this? And with you? I think I would rather surrender myself to the Byrrunem,” Aed snapped, too enraged to remember decorum. “Besides, my unit and I were supposed to move on to the next town by Friday.”

“Not anymore you’re not,” Eylern said cooly, lifting up a letter stamped with the royal emblem, “King’s orders.”

Eylern shuffled some papers around on his desk as Aed digested the news. “We have a couple of days to prepare before we depart for the border. I’ll tell my soldiers, equip them with armour and ensure we have supplies. Do the same with yours.” 

Aed nodded his reluctant assent. 

“You’re dismissed,” Eylen said, sounding so much like he had the night before that Aed’s stomach twisted in the same way.  
.................................................................................................................................................................  
Aed’s mind switched to tactical mode. Months of moving from one border fort to another on short notice had sharpened his routine until it was seamless. 

He found his second in command, Wynnek. His riot of freckles and lopsided smile gave him a joviality undeserving of war. Aed clasped him on the arm and Wynnek gave him a small smile in return. 

“Are we being kicked out so soon?” He asked teasingly. 

“I wish,” Aed grimaced. “We have to ride out with Commander Eylern.”

“You’ll want me to get the soldiers ready, I suppose?” He was used to doing it.

“Thanks, Wynn.” 

“No need to, I’m just sorry we have to spend more time with Eylern.”

Aed shrugged noncommittally.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Aedreas,” Wynnek continued. 

Icy fear swept through him, nothing would make him lose the respect of his unit as much as them finding out about their tryst. “What do you mean?” Aed asked with a sinking feeling.

Wynn gave him an odd look. “Eylern really does seem to hate you,” he said, a hint of real worry creeping in. “And it would be so easy to have an accident on the battlefield, a stray arrow perhaps.”

The knot in Aed’s stomach unclenched. “Don’t worry, Wynn, nothing will happen to me.” That I have not already brought upon myself. 

Wynn looked unconvinced and Aed excused himself quickly, eager to avoid any conversational blunders. 

He trusted Wynn to do his task efficiently, and he knew his men would obey. Some of them were his own countrymen, and from them he had never faced dissent. There was a sprinkling of Kingdom soldiers too, sent to serve in his unit after displeasing their superiors and to safeguard against rebellion. They had not trusted him initially, wary of his nationality and youth, but he had earned their grudging respect. After all, if there was one thing he was good at, it was being a fair and competent leader. 

He spent the rest of the day organizing logistics. He ensured they had enough provisions, weapons, horses and supplies to last them a while and they set off at daybreak the following day.


	2. A Hostile Camp

They arrived exhausted near where the Byrrunem were reported to be. With the last dregs of energy, the men set about preparing the camp and Aed’s own unit made their camp with them. Much as they wanted to, they could not afford to make their camp separately from Eylern’s soldiers, it would leave them too vulnerable to Byrreum attacks. 

Aed could already see that braving the Byrreum on their own would have been better. Internal conflict was already brewing before the camp was even finished being set up. Insults were exchanged over the location of the tents, and Aed had to pause his own tent making to pull some soldiers shoving each other apart. 

It worried Aed. He knew objectively as a military strategist that a divided front would fall apart at the first assault. More importantly, he knew that he would not be able to protect his own men. If it came down to judging disputes, the word of an Identellen meant nothing.

At first, the hostility directed at him registered as just a minor annoyance. They were the kinds of things that had happened to him and the Identellens in his unit many times over the previous year. It was almost inevitable, theirs was a war that had been too recently waged and the scars were still fresh in countless bodies and minds. The difference was that in the other camps, the commanders had discouraged hostility, knowing that petty camp squabbles could cost people’s lives in their current war against the Byrreum. 

Eylern seemed to have no such qualms, laughing along with his soldiers when they broke into his tent, stole his clothes and deposited them torn and muddy back in his tent on the first day. Aed did not complain, he endured that and the rest of the taunts and pranks, keeping his head down despite Wynn’s urging for him to strike back. He had survived for a year by complying, and he would not jeopardize his progress just because Eylern wanted to bait him into retaliating, so he could have an excuse to bring him to his knees. 

The second day at the camp dawned terribly. Aed knew it was doomed to be a long, exhausting day from the moment he had woken up and had no choice but to put on his torn and muddied clothes. He felt as disgusting as they thought him to be, mud dirtying and chafing his skin. Then he found his unit’s rations suspiciously depleted, and so they had to make do with a bite of bread each for breakfast. During training, he could sense his soldiers’ restlessness that translated into arguments he had to break apart. 

By nighttime, exhaustion weighed on his body and mind. He walked slowly back to his tent, eager for the promise of a couple of hours of rest. He stopped abruptly when he arrived at the spot where his tent had once been. In its place was a collapsed pile of tent cloths, covering his scattered belongings. The tent support poles and most importantly, his bedroll, were nowhere to be seen. 

His tiredness was so absolute that Aed would have gladly slept uncovered in the mud, but he knew the freezing cold meant he would not wake up the next morning if he did. He took a deep breath and trudged to Eylern’s tent, finding him polishing his sword in his perfectly warm and dry tent. 

“Your soldiers destroyed my tent,” Aed said, fighting the urge to throw himself on Eylern’s bedroll and sleep until the world was magically put to rights again. 

“My, that’s a big accusation to make. Show me?” Eylern said, amused. 

They walked the short distance to Aed’s tent pile in silence and Aed watched in outrage as a smile pulled at the corner of Eylern’s mouth when he saw it. 

“How unfortunate,” Eylern shrugged.

Of course he was in on it, Aed thought, the waves of despair receding under his growing rage. Of course Eylern didn’t care, he had probably ordered it himself.

“It's just a harmless prank,” Eylern drawled, “go sleep in one of your soldiers' tents or something.” He eyed him, “or you can sleep in mine, if you make it worth the sacrifice.”

It was all suddenly too much. He was tired of the constant hostility, of having to be on guard all the time and still be defenseless. His patience was so frayed that the rational part of his brain, concerned for his self-preservation, shut off completely. He let his fist fly straight into the Commander’s cheek and Eylern hit back like he had been eagerly expecting it.

At first they were evenly matched, in terms of raw strength their punches held the same power. Aed’s reflexes were sluggish with tiredness, but muscle memory and pure rage compensated. It was cathartic, in a way, to finally express his anger. Consequences be damned, if he was punished or executed tomorrow for his show of insubordination, it would be worth it to have felt Eylern’s uncrackable facade dent under his knuckles. 

Eylern’s advantage of comparative restfulness became steadily more obvious. Soon enough, more hits landed on Aed than he could reciprocate. A particularly vicious punch to his stomach knocked the wind of him, and he was so focused on catching his breath that his struggle to defend himself from Eylern’s tackle was useless. 

His back hit the ground hard. Eylern sat on his legs, effectively immobilizing them with his weight as he landed some more blows. 

“You’d hit someone already down?” Aed gasped out as he tried to intercept them with his arms. “That’s low, even for you.”

“It’s what you deserve,” Eylern growled, but he stopped landing blows.

Aed stared up at him, following the drip of blood running from his nose. “You’ve already won. You’ve taken my land, my freedom, what more do you want?”

“And what about what you’ve taken from me?”

Aed could only imagine who he had lost in the war, but both sides had lost so many men.“It wasn’t me” he said, struggled to get the words past his swollen lips. It was a lie, of course, it was impossible to know if he had been responsible or not. The faces of all those he had killed in the war blurred together. But wasn’t Eylern equally responsible? 

His body ached, he felt sick and tired and cold laying in the mud. With the adrenaline fading and his senses returning, his chest tightened with dread at the thought of what he’d face in retaliation for this. Had a countryman of Eylern’s assaulted his superior in such a way, he would be whipped half to death and dishonorably discharged for good measure. What punishment would Aed, an Identellen, face for daring to do such a thing?

He couldn’t breathe, the paralyzing anxiety knotted his chest, his throat, his stomach. He was so _stupid. ___

__“Aedreas?” Eylern prompted hesitantly._ _

__Aed struggled to inhale, to control the shaking in his hands. “Please, Commander,” he begged, acutely aware of the humiliation. “Don’t kill me for this, I’m sorry.”_ _

__“I don’t think you are,” Eylern stated matter of factly._ _

__Of course, Aed thought, his apology could not hope to fool him._ _

__“Regardless, I will not punish you for this. What is the use? You humiliate yourself so beautifully on your own terms.”_ _

__Relief doused his strangled nerves like icy water. “Truly?”_ _

__Eylern sighed, “Yes, truly. Your masochistic streak will do the work for me, sooner or later you’ll be asking for punishment yourself. Although I’d much prefer it to be private.”_ _

__He nudged Aed with his boot, “come on, this is excessive, even for you.”_ _

__Aed tried to unscramble his thoughts enough to coordinate his limbs to push himself up. It was a painfully slow process, with his muscles tense and half frozen. Eventually Eylern’s patience wore out and he reached down to grasp Aed’s shirt to pull him up. He looked at him for a long moment._ _

__“Go to one of your soldier’s tents. Get some sleep,” Eylern said, sounding worn out._ _

__Scarcely able to believe he had gotten off so easily, and half fearing future retaliation, Aed walked away as fast as his aching body would let him. He went straight to Wynn’s tent._ _

__Wynn gasped as soon as he saw his bruised face, “Eylern did that to you?”_ _

__“I started it,” Aed admitted. “I got some good punches in too, he probably looks as bad as I do.”_ _

__“I can’t believe you’re still alive after that, when I suggested you strike back I didn’t mean this, not with Eylern.”_ _

__“I can’t believe I’m not on an execution block either,” Aed said._ _

__He then explained the whole tent situation to Wynn, who graciously rolled over to make space for him on the bedroll. It was cramped, but Aed was so tired he fell asleep as soon as he closed his eyes.  
...................................................................................................................................................................................  
Eylern found him in the afternoon the next day, and Aed wondered for a brief fearful moment if he had changed his mind and decided to punish him anyway. _ _

__Eylern looked at him dispassionately. “Come over to my tent tonight, we need to discuss our strategy for the upcoming battle,” he said._ _

__Aed breathed a sigh of relief and quickly silenced the whispered suggestion in his mind that being in Eylern’s tent would lead to other things. There was no way, not after their fight the previous day. Although he felt it had ended unresolved, Eylern probably had no desire to resolve it.  
...................................................................................................................................................................................  
Aed sat opposite Eylern in his tent, legs almost touching in the confined space. Aed studied the smattering of bruises still on his face as they discussed battle maneuvers. Aed hesitantly outlined his plan and Eylern raised an eyebrow dismissively in response._ _

__“It’s a wonder you Identellens remained undefeated as long as you did, if those are the sort of plans you come up with,” he said._ _

__Then he lunged forward abruptly and squeezed Aed’s throat. “They’ll catch you by the throat if you follow that plan,” Eylern threatened._ _

__Aed’s legs came up to wrap around Eylern and nudge him down on top of him.“What’ll they do to me next?” Aed asked, playing along, absurdly pleased by the turn of events._ _

__Eylern nipped him on the tender skin of his throat. “They’ll rip out your throat,” he whispered darkly._ _

__Aed shivered in mingled fear and lust, aware of Eylern’s dark green eyes appraising him._ _

__“Perhaps we could come to a compromise,” Aed said, bringing his hand up enticingly to slip off his shirt._ _

__“You dare negotiate? Eylern murmured against his skin._ _

__“What if I do?” Aed baited._ _

__Eylern smiled darkly, teeth sinking into Aed’s skin harshly as his hands drifted lower. “I’ll show you,” he said.  
...................................................................................................................................................................................  
The taunts and tension continued for the next few days, but nothing as bad as the tent incident happened again. Aed, too busy to find replacement materials to remake his tent, went to ‘strategize’ with Eylern some nights and returned to Wynn’s tent after, glad that the darkness of night concealed the bruises on his hips and neck when he undressed.  
...................................................................................................................................................................................  
They charged towards the Byrreum in a meticulously planned organization, but it descended into chaos within minutes. The Byrreum had no type of organization, they attacked individually and without regard for their own lives. _ _

__Although he had charged in at the helm of his own unit, Aed was soon separated from them as he fended off a blur of endless gnashing sharp teeth and ruthless claws. He tried not to retch at their putrid smell mingling with the blood that had already been spilled._ _

__Looking around quickly to get his bearings, he realized he was close now to Eylern. Although the Byrreum were not particularly intelligent, their animal instinct was enough to recognize the leader of their opposition, and they had honed in on Eylern immediately._ _

__Eylern was battling them off flawlessly, completely in his element. But there were so many surrounding him that there was no way for him to see the large Byrreum running towards him, preparing to pounce on his back._ _

__There was no time to warn him to move away, and Aed instinctively intercepted the Byrreum mid-leap with his sword held up. Its strength and momentum was enough to knock Aed’s sword out of his hand and dig its claws into the armour of his shoulder. Without his sword to defend himself, the Byrreum tore a chunk of armor off and dug its sharp claws into Aed’s vulnerable shoulder. The pain was immense, white-hot and burning._ _

__Eylern heard his scream and turned around, slicing through the Byrreum so that it fell to the ground near Aed with an agonized yelp._ _

__Aed slumped on the ground, vision already blurring with pain. He glimpsed Eylern’s startled gaze before he blacked out completely.  
...................................................................................................................................................................................  
Pain pounded through Aed’s arm, only slightly dulled by the medicine he had been ordered by the stern medic to take. He struggled to get his thoughts and bearings straight. He looked around, wincing in sympathy at some of the other patient’s wounds. His was a nasty cut, but not deep enough to be irreparable. He was thankful it was wrapped in bandages, though. Despite not being squeamish after years of violence, injuries served as an unwelcome reminder of his own fragility. _ _

__Admittedly, there wasn’t much that made his life worth living. Surviving merely meant yet another day of pushing past muscle strain, taunts and glorified slavery, but the thought of turning himself in to the void filled his deepest recesses with fear._ _

__Many of his fellow soldiers had turned to spirituality. It was hard not to seek a source of comfort to order the chaos of the battlefield and the spectre of death that haunted it. Indeed, Aed supposed Eylern’s whispered prayers every morning contributed to his level-headed collectedness. In a way, Aed’s handful of trysts with Eylern were a reminder to himself that he existed, that he was a corporeal being who could feel another’s touch._ _

__He drifted in and out of consciousness for the rest of the afternoon before being roused from a fitful sleep by a heavy hand on his uninjured arm. He looked up at Eylern, whose face, inscrutable enough when Aed’s brain worked at full capacity, was near impossible to decipher with his sleep and medicine muddled thoughts._ _

__“How’re you feeling, Aedreas?” Eylern asked gruffly._ _

__Aed shrugged, wincing as the movement pulled at his stitches._ _

__Eylern took his wince as an answer, shifting uncomfortably where he stood. The silence stretched on, the absence of the harsh words usually exchanged between them palpable. Aed swallowed the urge to ask him to sit down, but there were no chairs and the bed was far too intimate._ _

__Eylern put his hand into his front pocket and produced a small cloth bag, which he handed to Aed. “Perhaps this will help you recover.”_ _

__Aed opened the bag gingerly with his good hand, unused to the limited range of movement. He had no expectations, but the sweets inside managed to surprise him regardless. They were expensive enough in the city, and a complete luxury on the battlefield._ _

__“Why?” Aed asked, still trying to comprehend the idea of a gift, much less one so luxurious._ _

__“Consider it a thank you gift,” Eylern replied. “Why did you save me?” He asked, unable to contain his curiosity._ _

__It was a good question, and not one Aed himself completely knew the answer to. He went with the simplest explanation, “this army would be thrown into disarray without you at the helm.”_ _

__The commander considered him searchingly, unsatisfied with his answer. “I find it hard to believe you are such a martyr.” He took a step back. “You are not entirely disposable either, Aedreas,” he added almost as an afterthought._ _

__With that, he nodded at him in farewell and left._ _

__Aed stored Eylern’s words to analyse later, to dissect the tinge of concern in Eylern’s voice when the fog lifted from his mind. He dug out one of the sweets and bit into it. It was soft and truffle-like, pleasantly chewy and just on the right side of indulgently sugary._ _

__..................................................................................................................................................................................._ _

__Things changed after that. Gone were the taunts of the past, replaced by a tentative peace._ _

__Eyern visited him a couple more times while he was recovering, bringing updates about the going ons of the camp and idle conversation._ _

__Wynn came to see him too, looking troubled. “I just don’t understand why you did it, Aed, we both know he’s not worth it,” he said._ _

__“Don’t say that!”_ _

__Wynn frowned at his outburst. “Where did that protectiveness come from?”_ _

__Aed blushed, “he’s a good leader, Wynn. We need someone with his skills to win against the Byrreum, or else we won’t be returning alive either.”_ _

__“You could lead just as well.”_ _

__“I’d win a battle, yes, and then die murdered in a mutiny the following day. You’ve seen how Eylern’s admired and well-liked by most soldiers here.”_ _

__Wynn studied him intently. “Even by you?”_ _

__Aed couldn’t meet his eyes, he didn’t entirely have it in him to lie. “I appreciate his attributes,” he conceded._ _

__Wynn laughed humorlessly, “I do wonder, Aed, if there’s one _attribute _in particular that leads you to his tent at night.”___ _

____Aed’s heart dropped, he had been foolish to think Wynn wouldn’t hear the rumors and fill in the pieces._ _ _ _

____“We just talk strategy, nothing else,” Aed murmured, fidgeting with the end of his bedsheet._ _ _ _

____Wynn fixed him with an unimpressed look. “Who are you trying to convince?” He sighed, “it’s not like I can stop you, anyway. Do what you will, but remember that the hands he touches you with are the same that dealt the finishing blow to so many of our countrymen. What’s to say he won’t do the same to you, once he tires of your company?”_ _ _ _

____It was nothing Aed had not already thought before, and he had no retort. He looked away from Wynn._ _ _ _

____Wynn squeezed his uninjured shoulder gently. “Be careful, Aed,” he said, giving him a concerned smile before leaving him to rest._ _ _ _

____...................................................................................................................................................................................  
Once he could move his arm without feeling like he was setting it on fire, he was discharged by the medic. _ _ _ _

____He was pleasantly surprised to see that his tent had been rebuilt, and wondered idly if Eylern or Wynn had been responsible. He didn’t ask._ _ _ _

____During the day, Eylern offered to train with him to polish his skills, rusty after spending days confined to the medic’s tent._ _ _ _

____They clashed swords, parrying and sidestepping and both so focused they didn’t stop until the sun was dipping below the horizon._ _ _ _

____Aed wiped the sweat from his face. Emboldened by the adrenaline of a good sparring session after being cooped up for days, which precedent had shown had the potential to translate into other activities, he proposed “we can continue this in your tent?”_ _ _ _

____Eylern grinned at his suggestion, “By all means, although I fear it will be an unfair fight, seeing as you’re so eager to lose.” He glanced at the sky for a moment, calculating. “I want to pray first though, before it’s completely dark.”_ _ _ _

____“I’ll meet you after, then,” Aed said, turning to walk back to his tent._ _ _ _

____“Wait!” Eylern called out at him. “Come with me, it won’t take long.”_ _ _ _

____“I will, thank you,” Aed said, flattered by the suggestion of being invited to share in a sacred moment. He was curious too, as Identellens were not particularly spiritual._ _ _ _

____Eylern led him in the direction of the forest. “It’s important to do the rites in a peaceful place, so your thoughts are as untainted as possible,” he explained as they walked._ _ _ _

____They stopped beside a sprawling oak tree, where Eylern drew a series of symbols on the trunk with a penknife. He reached into his shirt to take out the amulet he wore around his neck and held it in his hands as he bowed his head and whispered some words. He spoke too quietly for Aed to hear clearly, but he caught the gist of it: protection and success in battle._ _ _ _

____He made the most of Eylern’s distraction to admire him. He looked almost ethereal with his features softened by the last rays of sunlight filtering through the trees. At peace, murmuring at a makeshift altar in the forest, that Aed struggled to recall his face ever being twisted in disgust or anger._ _ _ _

____Once he was done, Eylern stood up and brushed the dirt off his clothes. He gave Aed a soft calm smile._ _ _ _

____“Can I ask what you were praying for?” Aed said in a low voice, afraid to shatter the stillness._ _ _ _

____“For an end to this bloodbath,” Eylern admitted._ _ _ _

____Aed nodded and decided to chance one more question. “And the amulet?” he asked._ _ _ _

____“It was gifted to me. Back when I was just a soldier, there was this older soldier who took me under his wing.” His voice went nostalgia-soft. “I owe so much of what I am now to him, he would train with me after hours to hone my skills and comfort me when the violence became too much. We were sent to Identelle, and he gave the amulet to me before one of the battles to protect me,” Eylern told him._ _ _ _

____“What happened to him?” Aed asked, scared he already knew the answer._ _ _ _

____“He was killed in a battle against Identelle,” Eylern confirmed._ _ _ _

____“Sorry,” Aed winced. He had guessed Eylern had lost someone important in the battlefield, hence his vehement hatred of Identelle, but it was still uncomfortable to hear it from him_ _ _ _

____Eylern shrugged. “It’s hard to see Identellens walking around free.”_ _ _ _

____“We are far from free, our death dates have just been extended to whenever the Byrreum kill us instead of executing us firsthand. And all this in service of your kingdom,” Aed reminded him._ _ _ _

____Eylern looked at him sidelong, lapsing into silence until they reached Eylern’s tent and his tongue became a lot more agreeable._ _ _ _


	3. Indecipherable Overtures

After the next battle, Aed wanted to tear off his skin. There was no running water, so despite having changed into muddy but bloodless clothes and scrubbed at his skin with a cloth the best he could, the smell of dried blood permeated the air. Although he tried to lay down in his tent and will his mind to happier places, the memories of the battle were too fresh. Although he had been placed behind other soldiers, in deference to his still-healing arm, far too many Byrreum had still managed to reach him. 

The tent flap opened and he reached instinctively for his sword, knowing the camp had only become marginally less hostile towards him. Eylern walked in instead and Aed let go of his sword. Although his heart continued hammering, admittedly for a very different reason.

Eylern wrinkled his nose at him as soon as he got close. “You don't look particularly clean either," Aed sniped at him.

"I found a creek nearby, come with me and we'll wash," Eylern said.

"Scared of the dark, Commander?" Aed teased as he stood up.

Eylern raised an eyebrow, "if anyone should be scared to wander in this camp, it's you." Aed did not need to be reminded. "I just don't want you getting my bedroll dirty tonight," Eylern continued.

Aed hid his blush at the implied invitation by focusing intently on strapping up his boots.

"Perhaps I'll dirty it in another way, Commander," Aed retorted without lifting his gaze.

Eylern chuckled and shoved his shoulder playfully.   
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
The creek was oddly peaceful at night, the water almost silver in the moonlight. Aed breathed in the cool night air, grateful that they were alone save for the soft rustling of nocturnal animals in the undergrowth. He could look his fill, in the dreamlike quiet, almost entranced by the sight of the water sluicing down Eylern’s back. 

Overcome with the urge to touch, Aed removed his own clothes and stepped behind Eylern. Almost reverently, with a hand on Eylern’s arm to steady himself, he traced the droplets of water clinging to his skin. He tasted riverwater-sweet, no trace left of the pungent odours of the battlefield. Aed felt Eylern’s shoulder blades move against his tongue as he exhaled slowly before turning around to face Aed. 

He could not quite parse the expression on Eylern’s face as he looked at Aed. Perhaps he had inadvertently acted out of line, like a lover instead of the distraction he knew himself to be. 

Something in Eylern’s eyes softened, and his hands came up to cup Aed’s face and tilt it up as their lips met in a kiss. His hands lowered to roam around Aed’s body, gliding smoothly across his still wet skin and pulling him closer. Aed moved his hands on Eylern’s skin in turn as he sucked on Eylern’s lower lip. 

They pulled apart for a moment, out of breath, before Eylern began sucking a trail of kisses from his jaw to his neck. He stopped once he reached his chest, and Aed let out a disappointed sound.

“It’s getting cold,” Eylern murmured by way of explanation as he took a step back.

Aed would have braved the cold to continue, scared as he was of the ephemerality of the moment, but he acquiesced. To say otherwise would be dangerously desperate, and he refused to gift Eylern with evidence of what could be misconstrued as open adoration. 

He dressed and followed Eylern back to the camp, damp and slightly unsatisfied.  
..................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
Eylern took off his boots and outwear and collapsed onto his bedroll. 

"I'm exhausted," he yawned, patting the space next to him."Cold too, come warm me up," he added with a tired half-smile.

Aed wondered how he meant it, despite the implications earlier Eylern’s half-closed eyes suggested he was in no condition to do anything. Probably for the best, Aed comforted himself, because he could hardly keep his own eyes open. 

He settled in the bedroll next to Eylern after removing his own outerwear, on his side to save space. Eylern pressed himself against Aed's back and tightened an arm around him, uncharacteristically sweet. It was not the culmination of the gentle passion at the creek Aed had hoped for, but it placated other parts of him.  
..................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
In hindsight, it was obvious it would happen. The tension had been simmering for days, and the tedious anxiety of waiting for the next offense only fuelled the soldiers’ resentment further.

Aed had not let his guard down, but he had no choice but to traverse a section of the forest to visit the other unit for training the following day. 

Vague unease spread through him as soon as he took the first steps in. He sharpened his ears for any disturbances to the quiet, resting one hand on the hilt of his sword. It gave him just enough time to spin around, sword held out, when he heard footsteps behind him. 

It was a handful of Eylern’s soldiers, rushing towards him with their weapons held out and murderous expressions on their faces: an ambush.

Fear tightened inside him. Usually, he would have been able to hold his own, he _had _countless times before against even more opponents. But all those times before he had been fighting with two good arms. This time, his arm was still weak from the wound, and pain shot through his nerves with every overly strenuous movement.__

__He reasoned that it was unlikely they would kill him, they probably just wanted to hurt him badly enough to drill in their hatred. But accidents happened, a slip of a sword could be explained away to their superiors and at worst they would be reprimanded. However valued Aed was for his strength and military expertise, the Identellen blood flowing through him made him ultimately expendable._ _

__The shaking in his weak sword arm was worsening, but he managed to fend off the worst of the sword blows and deliver some of his own. Although he was already bleeding from cuts all over his body and ached with bruises all over._ _

__He was just beginning to panic at the hopelessness of his situation when he glimpsed a tall figure emerging from the trees in his peripheral vision. He paused abruptly as he took in the scene and smelled the heavy iron scent of blood thick in the air._ _

__Aed recognized him with relief, it was Eylern. He would put a stop to this, but he wondered if he would reprimand his own soldiers in favour of Aed._ _

__“What’s going on here?” Eylern shouted angrily._ _

__The soldiers stopped their assault, but remained surrounding Aed warily. They glanced at each other, silently deciding who would bear the burden of explaining._ _

__One of the soldiers spoke up hesitantly, “we were just roughening him up a bit, we didn’t mean anything by it. Besides, Commander sir, you said nothing before.” The implicit accusation rang clear, you _participated. _____

____“You should be ashamed of yourselves for ganging up on an injured man, pathetic excuses for soldiers.” Eylern answered furiously.“Leave us now, and the next time I see something like this happening, you will be thrown to the Byrreum weaponless. Be grateful I am not ordering the lot of you whipped, if only because we need all the fighting force we get.”_ _ _ _

____Eylern glared at each of the soldiers in turn. They looked down sheepishly, muttering a chorus of apologies. Aed almost felt a stab of sympathy for them, he had been on the receiving end of Eylern’s glare before and knew it felt like your insides were being eviscerated and deemed pathetically disappointing._ _ _ _

____They scampered away, leaving Aed and Eylern alone. The forest was painfully quiet once more. As the adrenaline of the fight faded, exhaustion and pain crashed through Aed. He lowered himself gingerly to the muddy floor._ _ _ _

____Eylern looked him over._ _ _ _

____“I’m fine,” Aed answered his unspoken question._ _ _ _

____Eylern raised an eyebrow. “I’ll be the judge of that,” he said as he extended an arm to help Aed up.  
..................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
Eylern sat cross-legged on the bedroll, running his hand gently over the purple bruises on Aed’ chest. Knowing there wasn’t anything he could do about them, he turned his attention to the shallow cuts. He patted them gently with a cloth soaked in an astringent medicinal liquid, doing his best to clean the blood away. The burn was only tolerable because of Eylern’s proximity, his head was almost pressed to Aed’s collarbone to reach a cut on his arm, and Aed’s thoughts circled around how soft his dark hair felt against his skin._ _ _ _

____Eylern pushed himself up and walked around Aed, settling behind him. Eylern stopped the twist of his head to face him with a hand against the side of his face._ _ _ _

____“I don’t think I have any cuts on my back,” Aed said._ _ _ _

____“You don’t,” Eylern answered unhelpfully._ _ _ _

____Aed heard a rustle behind him, then a pair of hands at his nape clasping something solid around his neck. He looked down, unable to contain his curiosity for another second._ _ _ _

____“Your _amulet? _” Aed gasped.___ _ _ _

______“I have a feeling you need it more than me,” Eylrern replied, moving back into Aed’s field of vision. He frowned at him, “you have a nasty habit of getting in trouble.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Aed gulped down the onslaught of overwhelming emotions. “Thank you,” he whispered sincerely._ _ _ _ _ _

______Eylern shot him a gentle smile and reclined on his bedroll. “Stay here tonight, I want to keep an eye on you,” he said._ _ _ _ _ _

______Aed lay down beside him, simultaneously warmed and baffled by Eylern’s protectiveness.  
……………………………………..  
By the next battle, it was evident that the tide was turning in their favour. The number of Byrreum on the battlefield had dwindled, and Aed allowed himself to feel cautiously optimistic. _ _ _ _ _ _

______They emerged victorious, and after the remaining Byrreum retreated, Eylern gave him a bone-crushing hug._ _ _ _ _ _

______“That’s the last of them we’ll see for a while!” He said with a blinding smile._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I hope so,” Aed answered._ _ _ _ _ _

______Eylern tilted his head down to whisper in Aed’s ear, “you fought so well today, come to my tent tonight and I’ll reward you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Aed’s imagination supplied him with an array of tantalizing possibilities. “You fought well too,” he replied._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’ll be a mutually enjoyable reward,” Eylern said, winking at him.  
..................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
Later in Eylern’s tent, they began kissing without preamble._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Wait,” Eylern ordered after minutes of languid kissing, taking Aed’s hands and moving them above his head. “Keep your hands there a second.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Aed didn’t move a muscle, waiting with bated breath as Eylern reached to the side of the bedroll to get a length of rope, probably used to tie the provisions to saddles._ _ _ _ _ _

______He moved Aed’s hands until they were almost on top of each other, and then fastened one end of the rope around both of Aed’s wrists. The rough texture of the rope and Eylern’s nimble fingers against his skin sent his heart rate into overdrive and Aed struggled to control his excitement. He was painfully hard already._ _ _ _ _ _

______Eylern fastened the other end to the tent pole, tugging to ensure the knots were secure before looking down at Aed._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Good?” He asked._ _ _ _ _ _

______Aed nodded enthusiastically and Eylern smiled back, dropping a quick kiss on his lips. Then he reached to the side again and held up a piece of fabric._ _ _ _ _ _

______“May I blindfold you too?” Eylern asked as he winded the fabric around his elegant fingers._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes,” Aed agreed immediately._ _ _ _ _ _

______Eylern fastened the fabric around his eyes and Aed was plunged into darkness. He focused on Eylern’s weight on his legs and his impossibly loud breaths._ _ _ _ _ _

______A long kiss on his mouth first. “I couldn’t stop staring at you on the battlefield today.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Then a kiss that flirted with the edge of pain sucked against the sensitive skin of his neck. “Your body takes to fighting like it does to this, so fluid and flawless.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The wetness of a tongue against his nipples. “You were so brave, facing all those Byrreum.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______A lick on his tip. “I love the way you feel under me.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Then he took Aed in his mouth, with the echo of his words and the pleasure building steadily in him to brighten up the darkness of the blindfold._ _ _ _ _ _

______A wet finger rubbed inside him, and Aed was briefly aware of Eylern’s name spilling ceaselessly from his lips as another joined the first._ _ _ _ _ _

______The suction stopped abruptly. “You’re so perfectly gorgeous,” Eylern whispered almost reverently. “So wrecked and I’m not even done.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Aed knew how he must look, burning so hot everywhere he was certain his skin was stained red. “What are you waiting for?” He prompted._ _ _ _ _ _

______Eylern entered him and Aed heard their simultaneous gasps. Restrained in darkness, Eylern’s hands stroking his legs and traveling up his chest to rest against his throat as he moved against him grounded and heightened the ache of overwhelming sensations._ _ _ _ _ _

______Once his rhythm started to falter, Eylern brought his hands down to stroke Aed, grip firm and steady until Aed climaxed. A moment after, Eylern spilled, warm inside him._ _ _ _ _ _

______Aed focused on catching his breath while Eylern gently unfastened the blindfold, brushing back Aed’s sweaty hair from his eyes. Then he undid the knots around Aed’s wrists and rubbed the reddened skin._ _ _ _ _ _

______Eylern moved next to him and enveloped Aed in his arms._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You’re indecipherable, Eylern,” Aed confessed in the quiet darkness._ _ _ _ _ _

______Eylern traced a finger up and down his arm. “You’re intelligent enough to crack the cipher, Aed,” he said, hand roaming over his chest to tug at the amulet around Aed’s neck. “Why do think I gave you this?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“My protection?” He ventured, afraid to assume anything more._ _ _ _ _ _

______He received a vaguely disappointed sigh in reply, but if Eylern would not offer anything else, Aed would not voice it. He was a momentary distraction, even if he was apparently a valued one, he would soon be ordered to the next border fort and Eylern would move on to someone else. He would do well to remember that, and not humiliate himself further than he already had._ _ _ _ _ _


	4. Homegoing

The Byrreum had faced enough losses to disperse, retreating back into their territory to regroup and return. The threat was far from over, though. They had just won a skirmish, and it was impossible to know how long of a reprieve they would get before the next attack. Still, even a short rest from the battlefield was valuable.

Although the soldiers were exhausted and their resources were rapidly dwindling, the ride home was eased by a quiet contentment that made the journey go by much faster. It was much more peaceful too, with the tension between Identellens and the rest of the soldiers diminished by Eylern’s grudging respect and their shared experiences. Aed still heard the odd insult thrown around for the last few days, but he had also seen shared drinks by campfires. 

They arrived back at the fort in the early afternoon, giving Aed enough time to wash and rest before the evening celebratory feast. 

It was strikingly similar to the first day he had arrived at Eylern’s fort. He was seated in the same place directly in front of Eylern, and there was a similar rowdy merriness. 

He no longer wanted to destroy it, the smiles Eylern occasionally directed at him were warm, and the people around them included Aed in the conversation. But his stomach still twisted uncomfortably, albeit for very different reasons. He knew this would probably be the last feast in this fort before being ordered to move on. He knew he should feel relieved to be apart from Eylern and the tangle of emotions that came with being with him. It would be foolish to want to stay, his relationship with Eylern would not amount to anything. How could it possibly? Before long he’d tire of Aed.

Aed drank and answered when spoken to and tried not to stare too obviously at Eylern as he tried to memorize every one of his mannerisms and the sound of his laugh and the way his tongue shaped the syllables of his name. 

He stared intently at Eylern’s soft lips as he recounted how Aed had saved him during battle. The admiration in his tone as he called Aed “downright heroic” and gushed about his sword fighting skills as he trailed his booted foot up Aed’s leg under the table made his face heat up. He took huge gulps of his drink to hide his blush.

Eylern himself looked perfectly relaxed and composed. He admired Aed’s skills, and was grateful to him for saving his life, that much was evident. It was equally evident, though, that he had already been reduced to an anecdotal figure, easily replaced by the next capable swordsman who would take his seat of honor at Eylern’s table next. Aed couldn’t bear it a second longer.

As soon as he could be excused, Aed returned to his room to get a bottle of potent alcohol he had stashed. He left his room and made his way up the spiral stairs that led to the turrets. It was a laborious process, as the stairs were narrow and steep and Aed was already tipsy from the drinks he had lost himself in at the feast to drown his thoughts. 

He trailed his hand along the cold stone wall for support and came perilously close to tripping countless times. Miraculously, he arrived at the last step mostly intact and was greeted by a gush of fresh night air.

....................................................................................................................................................................................

It was theoretically a balmy night. An icy wind was blowing from the north, but Aed lay on the turret, shirt unbuttoned and feverishly hot from drink. He had lost count after a while, thoughts melting into one another in his drunken haze. 

He heard footsteps and turned his head limply to the side to watch Eylern’s approach. He frowned worriedly at Aed before sitting down cross-legged beside him. He reached out and tugged the bottle out of Aed’s hand. Aed let out a weak sound of protest, unable to coordinate his limbs enough to reach for it back. 

Eylern took a swing and grimaced slightly at the taste before setting it down on his other side. He lay a palm flat on Aed’s bare chest for a moment. “I think you’ve had enough,” he murmured as he closed up Aed’s shirt buttons. 

Aed felt uncontained. He yearned for more of Eylern’s touch to ground him. 

Eylern stretched out his legs and lay beside him, glaring at the stars as if he could intimidate them into giving him all the answers. 

Aed shifted closer to him. "It feels like all I ever do is endure," he whispered. 

Eylern reached over and squeezed his hand. To his surprise, he did not let go after. Aed wished he was not as drunk as he was, so he could ingrain this feeling into his memory.

"You have to find reasons to endure, then perhaps it will not be as unbearable," Eylern said as he stroked the back of Aed's hand with his thumb.

"You are the reason why, Eylern, but it makes it so much worse. To pine away after you, and yearn for your touch and your voice and know that you'll break my heart in pieces without a second thought and hang them like artwork on your wall." He had said far too much, he wished he could take it back.

"Aed," Eylern turned to stare at him intently, "I don’t think I’ve ever had a reason as good as the feeling of your skin against mine at night.” He laughed tipsily, “although I guess _endurance _is definitely on my mind in those moments.”__

__The joke was not enough to stop Aed’s eyes from burning with tears. “You’re so cruel, Eylern, to tell me this when I am drunk and will forget tomorrow,” he whispered._ _

__Loosened by drink, Aed sobbed freely, unable to hear the words Eylern murmured comfortingly to him._ _

__....................................................................................................................................................................................  
Aed woke up the next morning with an aching head and fragmented memories of the previous night. He remembered just enough to feel deeply embarrassed: staggering up to the turret and lying there under the stars with his alcohol saturated thoughts, Eylern there beside him listening to those thoughts spill out in uncensored ramblings, Eylern holding him as he sobbed, Eylern half carrying him back down to his room. _ _

__He hoped he hadn’t revealed too much, but some deep gut certainty told him he had. He hated that he couldn’t remember, that he did not recall what Eylern had whispered in return. He had committed precisely the mistake he had promised himself not to make on the first night in the fort, weeks before. He had lost himself in drink, lowered his defenses and gifted Eylern drunken confessions._ _

__At least he would be gone soon, he reassured himself. He could avoid Eylern until then. Eylern was probably repulsed anyway, if Aed had spilled all the desperate yearning inside him._ _

__He got up, drank some water to silence the hammering in his head, and busied himself for the rest of the day being where Eylern was not. He was just congratulating himself on an avoidance job well done when he opened his door to reveal Eylern sprawled in his sheets._ _

__He propped himself up when he saw Aed enter, giving him an earnest smile. “There you are, Aed. I’ve been looking for you all day.”_ _

__“You’ve found me,” Aed said, taking off his coat to avoid looking at the perfect sprawl of him._ _

__“Come sit with me, I want to talk to you,” Eylern said._ _

__Only he could make Aed feel like he needed an invitation to sit on his own bed, and only his commands made Aed feel drawn to comply. He sat down next to Eylern, who immediately shifted closer and twined a strand of Aed’s hair around his fingers._ _

__“You probably can’t remember what you said to me yesterday on the turret.”_ _

__Aed looked down, his throat dry. “I can imagine,” he said dryly, praying Eylern wouldn’t destroy him with this._ _

__Eylern kissed his cheek gently. “I knew before that, Aed, it was quite obvious to me.”_ _

__Aed sucked in a breath, opening his mouth to reply, but he was silenced by a feather-light kiss._ _

__“I think I have perhaps been too subtle, although I thought giving you this amulet would be enough,” his fingers traced Aed’s skin around where the amulet hung. “I told you yesterday, but you’ve probably forgotten and it bears repeating.”_ _

__Eylern’s hands moved to frame Aed’s face, “I’ll spell it out for you, untangle those messy thoughts of yours. I love you, Aedreas.”_ _

__He leaned into Aed, until they were only a breath apart. “I don’t know how I feel about Identelle, I think a part of me will always associate it with grief. But I do know how I feel about _you _: I love the ways your body reacts to mine, I love your bravery and your perseverance. Your heart will not become artwork on my wall. Why would it? When I can have the real thing in my room?” He closed the gap between them and kissed him deeply.___ _

____Once Aed’s thoughts had processed what he had heard, and overcome his initial disbelief, he threaded his fingers in Eylern’s soft hair. Eylern pushed him gently without breaking the kiss until he was lying on top of Aed.  
........................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
“I’ll be leaving soon,” Aed said regretfully, lying down sated with his head on Eylern’s chest. It was a fact made all the more cruel by Eylern’s sweet words. Despite being what the deepest parts of him yearned so desperately to hear, they had shattered his heart with the knowledge that Eylern was willing to love him, but that he would have to leave him behind indefinitely once the King’s next orders arrived. _ _ _ _

____Eylern ran his hand across Aed’s hair. “No, you won’t. I’ve corresponded with the King to convince him to station your unit permanently in this fort. After all, we _do _need your help with those damned Byrreum.”___ _ _ _

______“Really?” Aed asked, scarcely able to believe it._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’ve received the reply today. He thinks it’s a good idea.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Eylern,” Aed whispered in awe._ _ _ _ _ _

______Eylern chuckled warmly in response and for the first time in a long time, Aed no longer felt like he was merely enduring. There would still be attacks by the Byrreum, and he was still beholden to the King, and so much about Eylern was still incomprehensible. But between the ravages of war and anxious thoughts about the uncertain future, there was this: Eylern’s arms tight around him, his yearning for him gladly received and answered._ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this has been enjoyable so far! Remember, any feedback or kudos are much appreciated and fuel my motivation :)


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